What is love? I think for a while; but nothing very concrete comes to my mind except a few popular cultural images like the heart, red roes, or red colour. Love is so very abstract. I extent my search into what we hear people say about what love does? For each one love bears a different action. Some die because of love; some live because of love. Some work a little more hard and make a little more money because of love; some stop working and make less money because of love. Some hold on because of love; others let go because of love.
Love is an enabling emotion that enables me beyond me to us, from us to them. To understand this movement we must also understand gradation of love. There are three grades in the quality of love as proposed by three Greek terminologies: eros, philia, and agape.
Eros: This is the feeling of love that is ‘me-oriented’. It is what makes one say, “I love pizza”, “I love that song”, “I love that person, only that person”, etc. Eros is directed towards things or people or situations that make one feel good. The reason for this love is that some characteristic in the other person or thing is pleasing us. If the characteristic would cease to exist, the reason for the love would be gone. That person or thing is no more beneficial to me; thus love too will dry up.
Philia: This is brotherly/sisterly love. It is friendship. It is the basis of ethnic, linguistic, religious groupism. It is the kind of love that is based on shared interests, common goals, or personalities that just seem to get along well. It describes affection, fondness, or liking another person. It responds to appreciation, respect, and kindness. It involves giving as well as receiving; but when it is greatly strained, it can collapse in a crisis. Philia is we-oriented.
Agape: This is the noblest word for love in the Greek language, and it is the word that scripture uses for God’s love for us. “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). Here love goes out to even those who are unlovable or have no merit to be loved. Thomas Aquinas described it as “to will the good of another.” It is the kind of love that acts and sacrifices on behalf of others, even at great cost. It is other oriented.
Eros is good if exercised within the boundaries: by all means enjoy music and pizza and a beer. Philia is good in many circumstances: by all means enjoy friendship and fellowship and companionship. By all means enjoy the shared purpose and goals of a true team. But no kind of love supersedes agape.
Again, eros is me-oriented, philia is we-oriented, and agape is others-oriented. True love is self-creative. It may begin from loving me, but it quickly enables on to move to us, and ultimately to others.
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