There are times in life we stand defeated by love, and there are times in life we defeat others with love. Love is an enabling emotion. It gives great joy to have someone to love, or to be loved by someone— and that is completely okay. It becomes dangerous and narcissistic, when one wants the entire world to love him/her, or everyone should only love him/her. We all learn to love by loving ourselves, that is okay, provided that love gradually enables us beyond ourselves.
John’s gospel highlights the importance of love; he was the most loved by Jesus (in John’s own words), he is called the evangelist of love, and he is the one who gave us in his epistle a definition of god saying, “god is love’. In his gospel chapters 13-15, we find a lot of reference to god’s love, remaining his love, etc.
Jesus categorically says, remain in my love and bear much fruit (John 15: 9-13). I would put it as, ‘remain in His kind of love, that would enable us to bear fruits’. What is His kind of love? The Greeks have classified love to three natures.
Eros is the feeling of love that is ‘me-oriented’. It is what makes one say, “I love pizza”, “I love that song”, “I love that person, only that person”, etc. Eros is directed towards things or people or situations that make one feel good. The reason for this love is that some characteristic in the other person or thing is pleasing us. If the characteristic would cease to exist, the reason for the love would be gone. That person or thing is no more beneficial to me; thus love too will dry up.
Philia is brotherly/sisterly love. It is friendship. It is the basis of ethnic, linguistic, religious groupism. It is the kind of love that is based on shared interests, common goals, or personalities that just seem to get along well. It describes affection, fondness, or liking another person. It responds to appreciation, respect, and kindness. It involves giving as well as receiving; but when it is greatly strained, it can collapse in a crisis. Philia is we-oriented.
Agape is the noblest word for love in the Greek language, and it is the word that scripture uses for God’s love for us. “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). Here love goes out to even those who are unlovable or have no merit to be loved. Thomas Aquinas described it as “to will the good of another.” It is the kind of love that acts and sacrifices on behalf of others, even at great cost. It is other oriented.
Eros is good if exercised within the boundaries: by all means enjoy music and pizza and a beer. Philia is good in many circumstances: by all means enjoy friendship and fellowship and companionship. By all means enjoy the shared purpose and goals of a true team. But no kind of love supersedes agape. Agape is the kind of love Jesus tells us to remain and dwell in, thus it enables us to bear much fruit.When in John 13: 34 Jesus said, “ a new commandment I give you, love one another. Just I have loved you, you also must love one another.” This kind of loving is itself bearing fruit.
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